You Might Be From Arkansas IF......

The following descriptions and activities are all true. Nothing has been made up. Hot Springs Arkansas has a lot of street people and I am not trying to be funny or make light of their situation. I just want to report what I have found while living in this terrible town.

YOU MIGHT BE FROM ARKANSAS IF>>>
Your skin has a green cast to it.
You can't recall when you had all your own teeth.
You say, "he don't" on a daily basis.
You receive at least 3 eviction notices per month.
You have never been inside a mall.
You know someone who drinks their own urine.
You can't afford to feed yourself but you Must own at least one pet.
You think shaving is for sissies.
You know the police on a first-name basis.
You have a suspended drivers' license.
If you MUST see a doctor, you go to the ER then never pay.
You own nothing but a plaid wool shirt, a pair of jeans and a pr of underwear.
Going to a laundromat is a Major expense that you must save up for.
You and most people you know have "fallen off" a roof and collect SSecurity.
Your vocabulary consists of "nope" and "yup."
You either have no toilet or the one you have doesn't work. Therefore, you're forced to use the Hot Springs Sanitation device. This consists of a large plastic bucket and a water hose. You do your business in the bucket then, when convenient, you water the remains down with the hose then toss everything in a yard or gutter and hope for rain.
If you're lucky, you live in a hotel. One prestigious one is The Aristocrat Hotel downtown. You can't figure out why no one will visit you there.
You look for government grants to assure you a roof over your head since you've fallen off a roof. It has a roof, yes, but no heat, appliances or toilet. This is where you learn about the above mentioned Hot Springs Sanitation Device.
You may have found an abandoned shack off the beaten road outside Hot Springs. You and your pet move in. Someone gives you an old mattress. To bathe on occasion, there is a bathtub in the back YARD. It has sticks underneath.
You put water in the tub and light the sticks and get in regardless of the weather. Of course, you have to sit on a towel first. To empty it, you pull out the stopper and this puts out the fire beneath. You go inside where all of your clothes are in cardboard boxes. In cold weather you are very fortunate if you have a woodburning stove because there is no electricity. This is what you call your home. If you have fallen off a roof you will probably be allowed to stay. If not, you'll receive 3 eviction notices each month.